In His Mind
by Ferivae
Summary: A quick look into the night that Lily died through Snape's eyes.


**A quick look into the night that Lily died through Snape's eyes.**

**Any direct quotations from the book will be in bold.**

Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, etc.

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><p>Severus paced inside Spinner's End, his new property. He had to give Voldemort credit; the Dark Lord said He would deal with Snape's parents if they got in His way, and deal with them He did.<p>

Severus wasn't ashamed of allowing his parents to be murdered. He never claimed to be a good person. All that mattered to him was that he loved Lily and he would do anything to keep her alive. He didn't care about her husband or the baby. Severus just wanted Lily alive. He had gotten on his knees and begged Voldemort, who had laughed and nodded.

Severus sat down and put his face in his hands. Only a few months before he had delivered the contents of the Prophecy to Voldemort, not knowing it was Lily and her family that he was condemning. He had run to Dumbledore in panic and revealed what he had done. Dumbledore urged Severus to defect and spy for the Order. Severus said yes, but hadn't truly committed, especially when he thought there was a chance Lily might live through this. But he wanted to keep his options open, no matter what happened in the war. Again, he never claimed he was a good person.

Severus looked up at the clock. It was after 9 o'clock in the evening. Surely the Dark Lord should have returned by now.

Voldemort had commanded Severus to stay out of his way that night. What Voldemort didn't count on was Severus being a prodigious Legilimens and Occlumens. He had figured out how to use the Dark Mark reversely, seeing into Voldemort's mind while blocking awareness of the invasion. It wasn't something Severus dared to do very often, but now was one of the times he didn't care.

He stood and picked up his wand. He placed the tip on the burning Dark Mark and entered Voldemort's mind.

It was a swirl of random memories and impressions of emotions. The few times he had dared to enter the Dark Lord's mind, he was always struck with the intensity of the experience.

While trying to sift through the memories and find the connection to Voldemort's current actions, Severus caught a glimpse of a memory from Tom Riddle's childhood.

He saw a young boy sitting alone in an orphanage. The emotion attached to the memory was incredible. It was the strongest feeling of hate and anger Severus had ever experienced. He was so distracted by the potent memory that he forgot what he was there to do for a moment.

That distracted moment was all it took. Severus felt a shift around him in emotion.

Later, Severus would wonder if lingering on that memory too long made those emotions bleed through to Voldemort's conscious state or if perhaps Voldemort became aware that someone was in His mind; but either way, he became aware that Voldemort's mood shifted abruptly for the worse. The relative calm changed to hate and anger.

Severus quickly connected to Voldemort's current state. What he saw through Voldemort's eyes made his stomach turn.

He saw a terrified looking James Potter back away and yell. Though it was not the time for such thoughts, Severus couldn't help but sneer at the fact James didn't have his wand on him.

**"Lily, take Harry and go! It's him! Go! Run! I'll hold him off!"**

Voldemort raised his wand against a defenseless James and coldly cast the Killing Curse. Severus was in momentary shock. He did hate Potter, but it was odd to watch him die. And it was odd for Voldemort not to even give him a chance. Usually Voldemort liked to play with his prey.

Severus started to panic when Voldemort entered a room that appeared to be a nursery. Lily was standing in front of a crib. There was an infant boy looking on.

**"Not Harry, please no, take me, kill me instead —" **

**"This is my last warning —" **

**"Not Harry! Please ... have mercy ... Not Harry! Please — I'll do anything..."**

Voldemort laughed a horrible laugh. Severus froze. He was trying to leave Voldemort's mind. He was going to leave and Apparate to Voldemort's side and stop Him. But he couldn't move.

With absolute horror and disbelief, he watched through Voldemort's eyes as He raised His wand and purred out "Avada Kedavra." Lily fell to the floor, lifeless.

Severus barely took notice as Voldemort raised his wand to the on-looking infant. Voldemort had barely given her a chance. He could have made her move. She was unarmed. But he had just killed her without giving it a second thought. Severus felt stunned and stuck in that hellish moment.

However, the connection to Voldemort's mind was abruptly ended. There was a sharp pain and Severus could have sworn he heard the Dark Lord scream.

Severus opened his eyes and found himself on the floor of his home. He didn't move. He couldn't. Lily was dead. And it was completely his fault. He had betrayed the contents of the Prophecy. He had begged for her life only for this… Was it possible that his entering Voldemort's mind had triggered the violent mood change?

Lily was dead. That thought repeated in Severus' mind several times.

Severus started gasping for breath as he panicked in a moment of realization. She was dead. He let out a strangled yell of pure anguish.

He then felt an odd burning on his arm, but not like when Voldemort summoned him. He looked at his Dark Mark and saw it glowed darkly then faded to a normal black, no burning or pain from it. Along with the abrupt disconnection from the Dark Lord's mind, that could only mean one thing.

Voldemort had fallen. He was dead.

Still in a state of panic, Severus staggered to his feet. He had tears streaked down his face. He took in uneven, shaky breaths.

'I should be the one who is dead, not her,' Severus thought to himself. And he decided to make it right. He was going to kill himself, but not before he confessed to someone.

He straightened his robes and wiped the stray tears from his face and Apparated away. He was going to find Dumbledore.

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><p><strong>And of course, Dumbledore was able to convince Snape to stay live and help watch over the boy as a debt to Lily. <strong>

***To answer a good question I received: again this is _my own_ take on it, but I see the Dark Mark as a constant connection from Voldemort to His followers, and that it would be possible to work in reverse. Also, I may add more chapters and go into more detail on Snape's parents and such...***

**Please review! :D**

**This was just an idea that crossed my mind. I think I'll be including this as a flashback in one of my other stories, but I was also thinking about turning this into its own series as critical moments throughout Severus' life through his eyes. Let me know what you think!**


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